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Who is available for relationship?

One question which often comes up in relationship entails the availability and readiness people are for a healthy relationship. As recent slogan says, "Who has time for relationship today?” Singles in most cases have difficulties with plugging into a new dating partner's busy lifestyle. And some may see their dates as being substantially unavailable for creating intimate relationship. Couples may gripe that their partner is engrossed and distracted by everything but their relationship: they may be around sexually, but never seem to want to connect in any significant way. Indeed, it often seems as if our adult relationships take the lowest priority in our crazy, driven world.

There are distinct levels of availability in intimate connection. As many married people would tell you that physical availability is obvious, being physically present has nothing in common with intimacy. Staying in the same house or even bed with someone else can still could feel loneliness if the two people are not connected mentally.

Physical availability is one of the levels of emotional availability. On this physical stage, both partners are able to be emotionally present with own feelings. The same concerns their partner’s feelings. The capacity to communicate with your companion what you are feeling is also stays at this level. But while the faculty for being emotionally available is present, the readiness to choose to do so on a compatible basis is limited. At this stage, each partner is engaged in some forms of withhold of parts of themselves which results in incompatible presence. This withholding can manifest in any number of ways, such as avoiding difficult topics; withdrawing emotionally; or numbing feelings through work or sex.

The deepest level of availability is what we call conscious emotional availability, where the capacity to be fully present and mindful of your own emotional process, as well as your partner's, is present most of the time. In this level, the capacity for being emotionally available is present, and there is a strong willingness to use that capacity. Authentic feelings are recognized and communicated on a basis, whether these are positive or negative. Joy and bliss can comfortably co-exist with sadness and despair, for there is a commitment to sharing the truth of one’s experiences with one’s partner.

The deepest level of presence is what we call conscious emotional presence, where both partners feel comfortable. At this stage, the capacity for being emotionally available is present, and there is a strong willingness to use that capacity. Genuine feelings are recognized and communicated on a firm basis, whether they are positive or negative. Joy and bliss can comfortably co-exist with despondency or despair, for there is a commitment to sharing the truth of one’s experiences with partner.

Why are so many of human beings are unable for such deepest level of human connection? Isn’t the need for bonding a fundamental human desire? Why do we create so complex, overextended busy lives, while our heart’s deepest needs are left unmet? Answer is there: when we are afraid we are unavailable. We look for true love but are frightened of how it may hurt us, the way it may recreate some painful experience, the fact that we may be abandoned. People make sure that there is no place in their lives for genuine love to blossom. People stay in control, and keep the unpredictability and vulnerability of genuine intimacy in a distance.
Many people sure they are available when they actually are not. When there are all the tools, knowledge, and support possible to create any or more intimacy. The fears prevail over and sabotage, distance, deviation are there.

How available can you be? This is real question about availability you need to ask. If you have an ability to attract unavailable partners, there is something unavailable in you. How available are you with yourself even? Our relationship with other people is a reflection of our relationship with our inner self. Reflect on what you may be running away from within yourself.

How can you make yourself more useful to present or future spouses? Become gentle and compassionate with yourself and begin by becoming fully available to many other aspects of who you are. Find your fears and barriers to intimacy are, and take steps to ruin them. If you discover yourself running away or afraid of certain aspects of intimacy, get some advice from someone who has been down to similar situation. Ruin away the barriers to availability. When you are fully available for conscious emotional communication with yourself, you will attract the same energy into your life. Creating a healthy relationship is quite similar to painting a beautiful picture. If the painter is unavailable to choose the colors picture won’t be good. Consistent time to bond on a physical, intellectual, emotional and spiritual stage is necessary to paint the picture of your love. Your love is live as a plant, it can breathe and if you do not care of it and do not support it live it will die.

Take a deep breath and take more places in your life and in your heart for more love to come in: what better use of your time and your life could there possibly be other than giving and receiving deeper, more authentic love?


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